ouch.

Why is Blogger offering to type in Hindi for me? Did I select something or is this some sort of blog worm? ah, never mind. I can't be bothered.

1. i have a headache. likely because it is in fact quarter til two and my ass is not yet in my ridiculously comfortable bed, with the window open to ridiculously cool air.
   
2. my tonsils hurt. like i've been smoking american spirits, which i HAVEN'T and so this sucks super bad. i've had right tonsillar megaly for about two years now, and at some recent visit, hopefully not my annual pelvic, it was deemed 'no big deal'. But it hurts. it feels like the nasal passages are inflammed? is that anatomically possible? I just want to figure out a way to squirt some warm water somewhere that will make it feel better! Gargle? Snort? Mouthful of it and breathe through my nose? flark!
3. i have my first clinical in peds on monday. I'm terrified. this won't surprise you. more details below.
   
4. i am contemplating asking the principal for a transfer to the cooler 2nd grade teacher from the asshole 2nd grade teacher. the risk in asking? that she might say no, and then I'd have to resign myself to dealing with the asshole all goddamn year and I just don't know if I work myself up to ask for this, and then I don't get it, how badly will that actually suck?
5. I. must. stop. signing. up. for. things. Run for election on state Board of Directors of Assoc of Nursing Students? Excellent! work with LGBTQ folks on my side of campus? Great! Read with kids at my kid's school twice a week for an hour? Super, thanks for asking! Work on the World AIDS week planning committee? Okay! Go to the Global Health Committee meeting because it might mean inroads with the community health folks at the SON? wellll... Meet with SON folks about gay stuff? good idea, but is this the semester for it? sigh.
6. i got a haircut today. i'm growing out the crew. shaggy surfer boy chin length here I come. in the meantime, I'm working on how to make it less fuzzy looking. the stylist said that using scissors, not clippers, will help. and smoothing serum. and i'm driving home, thinking, yeah, having it be all one color instead of salt and cinnamon might help, too. Who AM I that I wash my face twice a day, pluck my eyebrows, purchase and actually wear kitten heels, apply nailpolish, and consider dying my hair again? it's like a remix of the 80s. I thought I was done with all these femmey trappings! (also planning the breast reduction I want with my signing bonus. eep!)
7. my dishes still aren't done. yes, it's been at least 3 weeks since I updated. i still haven't washed that lasagna pan and i only recently ran out of clean gladware, so I actually will have to do it now.
   

Peds Clinical
Get this - Summer was my first clinical rotation, right? Med-surg, adult health, GI floor, lots of ostomy bags and wound vacs. Tube feedings and such. I only had a pt with a NG the last day of the rotation, and managed to fuck that up by removing the old nasty tubing to the canister and throwing it away, gettting distracted on my way to the supply closet to get new tubing and getting called back to the patient's room bc he was nauseous bc i had left him off suction too long. i still don't get NGs.
So, after that 11 weeks of patient care, I had a week of finals, three weeks off for break, and then the first half of the semester was my psych rotation, where it's simply not a good idea to touch the patients. I did vitals on the unit one morning, and I took a BP for a man who was having a hypotensive crisis (with a seated BP of 72/54 and a standing BP or 62/42, he was sent back to his room to wait for the physician - thank you for the excellent example of how to NOT provide patient-centered, competent care). No direct physiological patient care in about three months.

My first shift in peds rotation will be in the PICU. I'll be there for only one shift. I'll go in at 9a, get info on my patient. This is at a hospital where I've not worked yet, so I have the access codes for the computer, but have never used them. I'll come back at 1pm and work til 7pm with this patient and a preceptor, whom I've never met. I was thinking that this was fine, because it was just going to be observational, right? They won't let me touch really sick kids, will they?

Then I read this paragraph* in the syllabus, while looking up what to wear. It took me ten minutes to calm down and realize that I won't be in the Peds ED tomorrow, that's not for another two weeks. Then I started to freak out again when I realized that the only IV that I've ever started was on my lab partner, and the canula kept sliding out and I tried to shove it in with my finger... I'm all about the psychosocial support. I'm *very* supportive. Drawing blood? Fuck that. I gotta go.

Okay. Time for bed. I'll be up in a couple months, when it's winter break.

*Clinical Experience: The student will spend time in the Pediatric Acute Care in the Pediatric Emergency Room setting, where he/she will participate in caring for acutely ill children. Included will be nursing interventions such as triaging patients; assisting with procedures such as assessments, IV starts, blood drawing, teaching families; and providing psychosocial support to children and families.

why, White People, why?

My people are busy sucking again.

Listened to report the other day about how a patient was noncompliant with the Kwell shampoo. I perked up because this is the new admission that I saw coming in, a 30-something AfAm male with 5" dreads. What is Kwell shampoo, I wonder? And why are they trying to wash his head? And why are they confused that he would be noncompliant with this plan? The report on this patient ends with the fact that "pt did allow us to apply the Kwell lotion and understood that we would need to leave it on for 8 hours. He stated that he was offended by our original request and that he had psoriasis. After our conversation, he seemed less agitated and was less loud."

okay. let's get the bullets out:

• I don't know a thing about the situation, because my instructor wouldn't allow me to talk to the staff nurses about it.
  
• kwell shampoo is apparently used for lice, according to my clinical instructor.
• did the patient in fact have lice?
  
• does the staff have a clue that rules for washing and caring for white hair are totally different from the rules for black hair, and dreads have their own policies and procedures as well? Did anyone do a quick google search on whether kwell shampoo was the appropriate treatment for a patient with dreadlocks and lice?
  
• Yes, lice IS in fact a concern in this unit, as it would spread like wildfire and be very difficult to eradicate.
• However, did the patient in fact have flaky skin on his scalp that got mistaken for lice by the intake nurse?
  
• And, was this nurse the same one who left the report, because I've watched her and she has demonstrated a marked lack of social adeptness in a variety of situations. Including, but not limited to, responding to a patient's statement during community meeting that he doesn't know where his stuff is and didn't receive an itemized receipt for his belongings when he was admitted by saying that "you shouldn't bring things of value with you. I mean, when I go to the doctor, I don't bring all my cash and my jewelry and whatever with me!" Um. Hi. I have a comment. This patient was involuntarily committed and brought here in cuffs. What the fuck did you expect him to do?

so.

minority midwifery student has been writing of this bullshit this week.

and I'd like to add my offer of help to all my people. White folks, let me know if you need some help on this from one of your own. I'll be running a little workshop on Saturday in the park, come on by and we'll have graham crackers and talk it through.

*psst. people on the left, don't tell the people on the right, but we hate them!

my friend reminded me of that paula poundstone bit recently.

Yesterday was tough - orienation for psych clinical, which I hadn't realized I was nervous about. Additionally, my usual clunky awkwardness was exacerbated by the fact that I spent four hours sitting in a room with Ponytail Perfect Priscilla and her flawless-skinned sister Elizabeth and their five friends, Polly, Perky, Baby Spice, Paris and Azaela. I am not a person who looks smooth and polished, not even when I think that I do to be honest.
I have unkempt and overly hairy eyebrows, which I pluck erratically. I have persistent adult acne, which I keep thinking I'm spend a portion of financial aid money to fix, but then get all caught up with utility bills and other luxuries. I have thrift store clothes, which no matter how carefully I inspect at the store and at home and after the inital run through the laundry, invariably have a stain on the butt, or a hole in the armpit or some such thing.
It's cool with me, usually, really it is. I have lived in this messy body for 35 years now and I'm okay with it, usually. But it's hard to remember that I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me, when I am stuck in a room for hours on end with no reality check with folks that are cuter than me, slimmer than me, and doggone it, firmer than me.

So I went to water aerobics last night, and hung out with my people who have rolls, big ones, and not just boring old belly rolls, either. This group has ankle rolls and triceps rolls and I love them. I worried at first that my comfort was at their expense, that I loved these women because of that subconscious habit I have of scanning the room to see if I'm the fattest woman in the room. And I've decided that one of the reasons that I feel comfortable in the locker room is that I see other women who have thighs that look like mine. A whole room of women who have that canyon-y thing around their navel (I wonder if they know that if they squish their belly in the right way, it looks like either a butt or a bagel?!)! Joy. Happiness. Belonging.


The worst part of psych today was walking on the unit. After that, I was cool. I fucked up by not saying goodbye to the patient that I was talking to when we left the unit to have lunch and do our notes. I need to brush up on my open-ended questions. I kept asking informational, factual type questions, and then we'd sort of stare at each other for a bit, and then look back at the TV, or at the man who was grinding his teeth loudly enough to be heard across the room!

The other worst part of psych is that all summer I was in the swanky private hospital (which has places that are sorta gross and undesirable) to the federally operated hospital built in the 50s and not renovated since. Four and six beds to a room, with common showers and bathrooms! This weird yellow tile brick in the walls. Hallways that are pre-fab and feel like that ramp you walk down to get on the airplane. Staff bathrooms that make me regret heartily the bottle of water I carried with me. Big oil paintings of the President. A cafeteria that smells like mustard and old eggs, not sushi and oatmeal bars for breakfast. Where's all those footpedal faucet handsinks? Snort. Still giving patients Haldol?! Sure, it's cheap because it's so old. Course, that's the reason why most folks who can afford to don't use it anymore, because there's a thousand things safer and better...

off to look up whether bruxism could be a form of extrapyramidal side effect... Jo?